"These Jokes Just Rock" ...
A man drives to a petrol station and has his tank filled up.
While doing this the attendant spots two penguins sitting on the back seat of the car. He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat"?
The man in the car says, "I found them. I asked myself what will I do with them but, I haven't a clue".
The attendant thinks a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo".
"Yeah, that's a great idea", says the man in the car and drives away.
The next day the man with the car is back at the same petrol station.
The attendant sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.
"Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo!"
"Oh, I did," says the driver, "and we had a great time. Today I'm taking them to the beach".
Talking horse.....
Three racehorses were in the stable waiting for the big race. Trying to psych each other out, they began bragging.
First horse, 'I've been in 38 races and have only lost twice".
Second horse, 'Well, I've been in 47 races and have never lost".
Third horse, "Huh, I've never lost either and I even beat Red Rum twice".
Just then, they heard a chuckle by the stable door, and there was a greyhound dog walking up to them.
The greyhound said, 'That's nothing. I've been in over 200 races and have won every one by at least 3 lengths".
First horse, 'Wow! That's amazing - a talking dog!" ...
Talking Dog!!!!
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they'd look stupid in anoraks! ...
What did the clean dog say to the insect?
Long time no flea!
How do you find where a flea has bitten you?
Start from scratch!
What do you call an elephant in a phone box?
Stuck!
Where do hamsters come from?
Hamsterdam!
Why are igloos round?
So polar bears can’t hide in the corners!
What do you give an elephant with big feet?
Plenty of room!
Why do Penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they haven´t got any pockets!
Why did the dinosaur cross the jungle?
Because chicken’s didn’t evolve yet and roads weren’t invented yet!
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk!
Why are elephants wrinkled?
Have you ever tried to iron one?
What do call a bear with no ears?
B!
What animal has more lives than the cat?
A frog, he croaks every night!
What did one flea say to the other flea?
Shall we walk or take the dog!
What did the clean dog say to the insect ?
Long time no flea!
How do you find where a flea has bitten you?
Start from scratch!
What do you call an elephant in a phone box?
Stuck!
What do you get when you cross a porcupine with a balloon?
POP!
Where do hamsters come from?
Hamsterdam.
What kind of snake is good at math?
An adder.
Why are igloos round?
So polar bears can’t hide in the What is a French
What do you give an elephant with big feet?
Plenty of room!
Cat's favourite pudding ?
Chocolate mousse !
What looks like half a cat ?
The other half !
This man sees a sign in front of a house in Tallagha "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard. The Man goes into the back yard and sees a dog sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the dog replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the Gardai about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running.
"The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says "Ten dollars."
The guy says he'll buy him, but asks the owner, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him for 10 euro?"
The owner replies, "He's such a liar."
A tortoise got mugged by two snails the guard investigating the crime asks the tortoise if he got a look at his muggers, the tortoise replies "No I didn't, it all happened so fast"
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